

Any prizes over that number are technically useless, and most players simply periodically sell off their surplus. Eventually if you collect nine of each prize you gain access to the top tier. Every time you collect one set of four prizes, you unlock a tier. To anyone who might not know Coin Dozer, there are nine tiers of collection bonuses. Imagine my surprise when I start up the copy of Coin Dozer on my old phone, fresh from updating to the newest version, and I saw the game screen:

While I never was able to hold on to much of a coin surplus, I at least would always have a few waiting for me to drop down the bottomless gullet of the game and thus kill a minute or so when I needed to it was good enough for me. My regen rate, likewise, had dropped to around 26 seconds instead of 30. I didn’t remember what my old game progress was when I originally switched phones, but before my new phone bricked itself I had worked tirelessly to build my max coins to somewhere in the neighborhood of 65 or so. Let’s make something clear right now: Coin Dozer doesn’t record your progress across different devices. It took a few hours before all the out-of-date apps updated themselves, but eventually I went exploring in my old phone and found that I had Coin Dozer installed on it from something like a year ago. It ran on a regional carrier that didn’t reach up here, but I could at least still log on to in the wee hours of the night if I needed to, so I dug it out of my nightstand drawer and charged it up. It was at this point I remembered I had my old phone from when I lived in Pennsylvania. This meant that in addition to being able to use my phone for its intended purpose (looking at porn at 4 in the morning from bed) I couldn’t access any of my time-waster apps and games either. It won’t take a charge any more, no matter how I fiddle with it or how many different chargers I try, so it’s essentially bricked now that it’s run out of battery life. Collect enough of these upgrades and you’ll slightly increase your maximum coin cap, or shorten the wait between each coin spawn and things like that. The longer you play the game, which inevitably occurs over short bursts of boredom waiting in doctor’s offices or for television commercials to end, the more special prizes you collect, and eventually you’ll earn upgrades for your dogged determination. Instead you get a set number of coins that regenerate over time – brand new players start with a maximum of 40 coins and receive a new one for every 30 seconds of play (or every 9 minutes spent with the app closed). That’s exactly how Coin Dozer works, albeit you’re not using real money. Inevitably you would have to spend something like $5 in quarters to get 50 cents back. You dropped your own quarter in and let it fall on top of the pile, hoping it would land in a way that would make the arm push a big mountain of quarters off the edge as they teetered there. Anyone who went to Adventureland in the 1980’s will remember these bad boys: a big tray of quarters being pushed along by an arm that swept back and forth towards an open pit that led to the coin return. If you’re unfamiliar with it, it’s a digital version of those old coin pusher games from your childhood.
